Oh Motherhood, pity me.

Friday, January 24, 2014

The pressures of motherhood are one to reckon with. This silent gut feeling that is ALWAYS present, yet no one really talks about. As I look in the mirror, I find myself looking at a mother who is overwhelmed. I am constantly criticizing myself for all the things I haven't had a chance to do. Yet the list continues to grow.

I find myself looking at other mothers, with jealousy. How do they do it? How do they look like the mother of the year and still manage to look, dare I say perfect? While I'm here struggling to keep all my ducks in a row while looking like the hot mess that is, me.

I'm not going to lie. this week was trying. In great ways, but challenging. Yes, challenge builds character but sometimes enough, is enough. As a mother, your job never stops. As a business owner, your job never stops. So when exactly does mommy get the time to do it all. She doesn't. She prioritizes what is high priority, and what is next week priority. At least thats how I solved it this week. Except there are still those dagger like moments that make me feel like I'm a horrible mother. Like the time I had scheduled two doctor appts back to back in different cities and when rushing to take Liv's carseat out of the stroller, the entire stroller decided to flip with Liv in tote. I nearly flipped my shit with Liv screaming her head off out of pure fear and me crying with her out of guilt. I was rushing and didn't keep my foot on the stroller to keep the balance of the weight. Yes. this happened Wednesday. All while my two boys watched me cry and consoled me  for the following 10 minutes saying "Mom, your not a bad mother, your an amazing mother!" Now whose the adult and who's the child. God help me cause this week was all kinds of challenging.  We won't even talk about how I had to rush to the next appt 30 minutes away for them to tell me that they don't take Liv's insurance. Wonderful.

So after this long week of what I like to call "Pity me", It was when I sat on the bed with my kids laughing & playing that it clicked. In that very simplistic moment, everything seemed so perfect. Yes dinner was not made yet. Yep there sure was 3 loads of laundry staring at me. Yes my list of things to do is overflowing. Yes I should be sewing my orders, but instead I took a moment to see that even though I may not have it all figured out…it's not as bad as I allow myself to believe it is.

I have to remind myself that I am the best mother that I can be. How do I know this? Well if there is one thing for certain, I am trying my hardest. In fact there was not a time in my life prior that I have ever tried to be a good mother, wife, sister, friend, and successful business owner. God sees this, and showed me that moment as a reminder that all will be okay.

I just have to inhale the challenge, and exhale the faith that it will.

Oh yes, I also dressed my daughter as a boy to model the boys clothing line, LittleMisterDessa. You think she'll be mad when she's older? My oldest asked me why I am encouraging her to be a cross dresser so young. Ha! Oh the mind of a 11 year old, never fails me.

Cheers to the bloody weekend! oh wait, that really doesn't mean a thing! :)




Proudly designed by | mlekoshi playground |