Reflection: Closing the door...

I had to drop by my old apartment to hand over our keys today. For some odd reason I was dreading the trip. Perhaps it was that I had to see my not-so-nice landlord. I was driving in the car, and an old cd played that I used to play a lot last year. As I was singing along, with my hands on the steering wheel, I glanced over at my engagement ring and smiled. So much has happened since I last sang these lyrics and I felt a strong sense of growth. Within seconds I thought of where I was a year ago, and how I had no clue that this is where I would be today. {I reflect a lot..probably a wee more than one should, hehe.}

 I met with the landlord, tossed her the keys, and said one last goodbye to the memories on Magnolia St. Being that I was in the neighborhood, I wanted to drive past my old job. If you know me, you know that its a bitter subject since I left on such bad terms. A part of me has not quite recovered from that...and who would after seven years of loyalty, hard-work, and basically every ounce of me. The worst part is that I thought I had a real relationship with my old boss. Like the ones where I would be in her wedding, and vice versa. That's how close we were or at least thats what I thought in my heart. In actuality it was one sided, and she cared less about me and my wellbeing. All that crap about you're in this company for the long run, and you're part of the family was pure bullshit and I feel stupid for ever believing it...

After driving down the same streets I took to drive to work and back everyday... I decided to take one last drive. I can honestly say the greatest thing about that horrible job, was all the great friendships with past colleagues I now have. Real friendships that actually mean something and hold true value. I must admit, a lot of people fall victim to becoming fake...god knows I've witnessed more than I can count. I guess that's the amazing thing in all of it...God knew that I just did not belong there, and it did take my stubborn ass awhile to listen...but I truly believe that closing that door was the best thing that could have ever happened. 

Goodbye to the old apartment & job....and hello to the future where anything is a possibility ;)

Party: Light in a Jar...

 My parents house has a majestical backyard and being so, we've decided to have our engagement party there. Ever since we confirmed, my mind has been turning its wheels on how I can add some sparkle for our evening dinner. I immediately started looking for inspiration and ideas! Hence the above imagery via pinterest. I've decided to add some warm white mini lights all around the patio and I am also going to attempt to make some mason jar lights to hang on the trees. Ahh I must confess... i'm loving this crafty side of me!

How does she do it?

It hasn't even been a week since our engagement and the planning is in full effect. I really had no clue about this rather mind boggling "engagement/wedding world"... and it's many protocols one should follow. I was never that girl who planned her entire wedding extravaganza before her thirteenth birthday. I quite frankly never fantasized about my wedding as I was too busy planning my future career. Oh my how things have changed... I always thought I should have an established career before I embarked on marriage and starting a family. My focus has shifted quite drastically after finding my other half and I couldn't be happier.

With planning the engagement party alone, I find myself wondering how I am going to balance it all. I will be multi-tasking at its best this year. From planning a wedding, to debuting my collection, the ups and downs of life, maintaing friendships...oh and did I mention freelance work!? I've always struggled with balancing out my work and personal life...and often wonder how others do it. I actually just read a post from one of my favorite blogs Kelli Murray that really hit home. I was able to relate in more ways than one. Her post made me realize that no matter how hard It is...as it is for many...I can still have it all!

If I focus, take one day at a time, keep my priorities in check, and keep my feet grounded firm in my roots...I can achieve anything my heart desires. 

As I was knee deep in my blogging {which consists of reading so many other blogs for inspiration}I came across this website which confirmed my feelings x a milli.

  WWW.THEGLOW.COM

It's basically a website that allows you to take a peak into the world of inspiring and fashionable moms. Women who not only have careers, but who also have the family and life that we all strive for. The imagery touched my soul. 

Designer: Rebecca Minkoff & Luca

Consultant: Christina Hutson & kids

Designer: Cynthia Rowley & kids

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have had insane baby fever. It's a sweet epidemic in my mind..lol..these days. Don't fret...as much as I want a baby, I just don't see it happening anytime soon. We have our plate full and when the time is right, and god willing... it will happen. 

Love believed in us...

It's been a whirlwind of emotions these past couple of days. The love of my life and partner in life "popped the question" last week and we've been on cloud nine! Not to mention, it's been constant celebration ever since. This is literally the first time that I have had a chance to sit down at the computer and process it all...

I'm engaged. He's my fiance. We are going to be getting married.

Ahhhh, I can scream because I just can't contain the excitement. We wake up every morning and look at the ring together as we cuddle in bed in amazement... that we are blessed & fortunate to spend the rest of our lives together, forever. Ever since we came back into each others lives, we knew in our hearts this day would come and the fact that we are here today...after all our trials & tribulations...I could cry. There's a lot of planning that will have to take place, and to be honest...I had no idea about the "Wedding World" but it sure came to reality when everyone started asking us about the date, locations, colors..lol... I mean we just got engaged, and I really just want to enjoy this part... before we get into the hoopla of all that will come with the wedding extravaganza! Ha. To think I wanted a simple, small wedding. Yeah I just don't think that's possible with all of our friends & family...we are large in numbers! I don't mind though...it's exciting that we will be able to share that moment with all of our loved ones.

Again...AHHHHHHHH...I am so damn excited :)

 I say..."believe in love, because love believed in us."

Designer Spotlight: Noa Noa

I absolutely love the look & feel of this look book from Noa Noa's Spring 2012 Collection...

Homemade Health: Green Machine

I've been on the quest to get healthy for quite some time now. I definitely need to lose some weight...theres no doubt about that. I however am more focused on getting healthy, and should I lose weight alongside...well thats a plus. In the past I've focused more on loosing weight and dieting than changing my outlook on food and health. I think that is why it didn't get me far. As I am getting older and wanting to start a family of my own, I want to be healthy from the inside out. I want more energy, less anxiety and overall good health. 

I've been looking into juicing and all its many benefits. Kale is referred to the "queen of greens" and spinach is also right up there! The nutritional factor is on point with this juice. This was my first attempt at juicing, and I was pleasantly surprised. I love vegetables in general so for me it wasn't painful to drink...at all. The lemons, apples,  & carrots give its flavor of slight sweet & sourness. I drank the entire cup and felt as though I ate a large meal. The great part about this was I consumed at least 2 days worth of fruits & veggies in one cup. How awesome is that!? 

All in all the process was quick, the drink was good, and I will indeed be adding this to my daily routine!

Love...

A year ago today, I was in such a different place. I never saw this coming. I never thought that I would find my other half, let alone that there was another half of me out there. The funny thing is, he's been in my life since I was a kid...and well...time had a wonderful way of bringing us together after all those years ... at the perfect time. 

From the early morning deep conversations in our pjs, to singing on the top of our lungs in the car, to our late night movie snuggles...we are complete. 

We will have our struggles...we will have our victories...but life is meaningless without one another.

Every day I think, there's no way I can love him anymore...my hearts going to burst...and as cheesy as it may sound, I do. I love him more today, then I did yesterday. I can only hope that it never goes away, and everyday we will love each other more than the day before... for the rest of our life.

If you make it...

Capture: Camilla Akrans

The brilliant Swedish photographer captures beauty in its highest form. I am in awe of her work and inspired by her flawless imagery...

A Moment in Time...

Via - Etsy

A lot of things play into my emotional state these days. Most days are great, others...not so great. There's a great sense of pressure that is on my shoulders, not to mention the extra tons I put on myself...by myself. Yesterday was a not so great day. No matter what I accomplished, I still felt stressed & anxious. It wouldn't go away, and I couldn't figure out why. It was midnight, and here comes the late night mind banter. I turned the television on so that I would try to distract myself....but it didn't work. I walked over to my brothers room and sat on his bed. He was playing on his phone like he usually does, but he could sense something was wrong with me. I started talking to him, and within seconds, tears started to fall. He put his phone down and started to talk to me about what all is bothering me...

It's funny how one thing can bother you, and you think that's the only thing thats really bothering you...when in reality, its a lot of other things that stem from that one thing. I realized last night that my anxiety & stress is coming from my deadline of February, and the pressure to have everything perfect and done. This is unrealistic. I only decided late December that I was going to launch my collection. That gives me about a month to design, develop, sample, photograph, market and begin to sell. That my friend, is very unrealistic no matter how small the collection will be. The problem was that I said I would, I announced it to the world... and I was putting extreme pressure to execute it. What my brother explained to me was... just because you "said it" doesn't mean you have to compromise your end result to make something happen in an unrealistic time frame. This would be exactly what would happen, and the perfectionist in me has been bothered and anxious because I knew this. I didn't want to just put something out there for the sake of putting something out there. I have always been precise in the moves I make and the logistics behind it, so why stop now. Well that would be because of money. I've been living on my own, paying my own bills since I graduated from college. I am not used to not making money, let alone someone taking care of me, and my bills. I am so thankful for my babylove & parents who are allowing me to not work to pursue my dreams. That doesn't stop the guilt or pressure of having to "make it" or generate some cash asap. The thing is, my brother was right...in the aspect that I have to look at the bigger picture. I have the opportunity now, and even though it may take time to generate cash and "make it"... I can't just half heartedly put something out and hope it sticks. It has to be done right, and I can't lose focus with the money factor, guilt, or anything else for that matter. 

It was a moment in time where I felt uneasy & anxious...that turned into a moment of clarity. Instead of prematurely launching F/W 2012 in Feb, I will wait to launch S/S 2013 in Oct. I immediately felt a ton of weight lifted off my shoulders, and a sense of relief. It's funny how just one conversation, with one individual can have such an impact on your life...and in this case, such a great impact. I am so fortunate to have the family that I do & my amazing brother. 2 hours later...I figured it out, and it was all thanks to him!

I went to sleep peaceful, and woke up feeling the same....

Organization...

This is something I've lacked all my life. Maybe it's the artist in me, but...organization is somewhat of a hard task to tackle. 

I woke up at 3:30 to make babylove his lunch per usual and as I hopped back into bed, instead of knocking out, I was wide awake. I actually had to take a sleeping pill last night because my mind wouldn't turn off. You know... the usual mind banter of bills, budgets, exercising, my collection, that ongoing list of shit that needs to be done and hasn't, etc...isn't your mind banter similar?! 

I'm a bit of a worrywart and it usual happens right about the time I "try" to fall asleep. I guess the pill knocked me out  last night and instead of  my usual routine of worrying at night, I started when I woke up early this am. One thing I like to do is make lists. It helps in that organization area where I am lacking & eases my anxiety. Sometimes my mental lists get lost in limbo so I am going to make a physical list to actually get more shit done in a timely manner! Oh did I mention I have slight ADD with a dash of horrible time management & a sprinkle of procrastination! Ha, at least I can admit my flaws if nothing else...

I am going to try my hardest to become more organized so my brain can de-clutter-ize itself. With that said, I will be blogging about my do to list so that I can become accountable for it! I'll come back and check it off once it's done. This way,  you and I are holding myself to it! :)

To Do List:

- Clean out my email box 

- Set up my ical & link up all my appointments, events, & bills for reminders

- Put away my 3 loads of laundry that have been sitting in my laundry baskets

- Wash my blankets and sheets

- Finalize the collection, & start drafting technical flats.

- Create timeline for F/W 2012 & S/S 2013 Collection

- Look into purchasing a juicing machine  & find recipes 

- Finalize business cards and send to print

- Check into DBA business stuff 

- Exercise

- Give myself an at home facial ( I'm on a budget)

- Read ( I've also challenged myself to read 1 book a month & in this case I haven't started as of yet) 

Creative Process Part II: Mood Boards...

The second part of my creative process is to make a mood/story board for the collection I plan on creating. I usually get inspired by one image which leads me to my next and so on. I found the images below that really inspired me. Something about these vintage images spoke to me. When sifting through the plethora of imagery on the net, I look for details, colors, and certain silhouettes for my collection. I then start to make a collage/mood board on a 48 X 72 cork board in my loft. This allows me to have constant inspiration of a mood I have created and in which my creatively can flow as I sketch.  I think of the women who will be wearing it and what exactly they need...

This mood board is a portal to a story I created through imagery, fabrics, colors, etc. It's a vital part of the creative process...at least to me ;)

Link Love : Blogs that inspire...

I have been going bananas with the amount of A-M-A-Z-I-N-G blogs that are out there, seriously. Here are a few that I thought I would share with you! 

Glitter & Pearls | The Glamourai | A Cup of Jo | Sincerely Jules | Kelli Murray

Night Owl...

It's strange but for a majority of my life I've found myself wide awake at nights and sleepy during the day. It is the exact opposite of the norm, but feels so right within. It might be the artist in me, but most of my visions come rushing at me during the wee hours of the night. I find it peaceful. When the world is fast asleep, I am wide awake, dreaming away! 

As I am sitting here typing away, my head phones play, and my mind drifts away...

The Creative Process...

"My creative process is exactly like this; research, overstimulate, eliminate, then create...repeat if necessary." 

The image below is a prime example of research and overstimulating myself with imagery for inspiration, garment details, silhouettes, colors, etc. I then start sketching up a storm to put all my visions to paper. Right now I am currently in my research/overstimulate stage. Unfortunately I wish I was further along...but hey...its a process  that takes its own time. It's like that saying "when you know, you just know." Well it's the same thing with the arts. When you see an image, building, fabric, or what have you...it speaks to you in such a way that your minds wheels start turning and it's like one gigantic puzzle. One piece leads to the next, and before you know it...you have this body of work that tells a story...

Being that this will be my first collection and my deadline is literally around the corner...I need to create a capsule collection that is small, yet enough pieces that can tell my story and my design esthetic. It's hard for a new brand to launch let alone develop in a economy where well known established brands are struggling. Boutiques and Majors pre budget their seasons a year in advance with brands they know sell, period.  Money is the key factor. Major department stores and boutiques want the clothes to fly off the shelf and have very small margins for new brands. In a society that is so celeb based, and carbon copy of others...people tend to shy away from the new, but rather stick with the popular and over-saturated. New comers like myself have to really showcase my talent in order to get a very small slice of the rather large retail pie.

It's a lot of pressure on my shoulders because I don't take well to rejection. I mean who does!? Rejection & Failure!?... ugh... I can't. I won't. It's something that has kept me from launching this line years ago, and every time it rears its ugly head, I say the exact words my father recently told me "If you don't believe in yourself...who will? You have to believe in yourself, and the rest will fall into place." So here I am...believing in myself, while carefully putting the pieces of my puzzle together in hopes that it's one extraordinary vision that all want to have and see...

Dear Dakota:

You are growing up to be one pretty lady! 

Dakota Fanning: Elle Magazine February 2012 Issue

Fashion Stimulation: Pre - Fall 2012...

As I have been doing research for my line, I have been looking at tons of designer collections for inspiration. From Pre- Fall 2012, Burberry Prorsum & Nina Ricci are by far my fav! Check below for some early fashion stimulation with your morning coffee :)

Burberry Prorsum

Nina Ricci